Saying Goodbye is the hardest part...

It is so cliche, but it breaks you to say goodbye. I spent the last several months dreading this day. Every morning I would go out to feed Beau and he would call to me. Waiting in the shelter or at the gate for his breakfast, his nicker would put a smile on my face. And yet I was filled with worry and dread. When would be the day that was the last? His knees started to give out , and the weight started to drop and I questioned every day whether it was time. But he still ate and drank and pooped and nickered.

After a hard year of losing our mom, and then our dad, and then Girlfriend, I could not face one more loss. But I also knew that I could not hold on to him for me; I could not let him suffer. I was tormented because he was in pain, but there was still the light in his eyes and the softness in his movement. I did not have the answer. Everyone said I would know but I still questioned my decisions every day.

Then on Thursday, he was down and could not get up. When I went too him, he still nickered, but I heard him say - "call the doctor, it is time". You may think it is crazy that I talk to horses but I promise you they do speak to you, in ways you cannot imagine. So I called the doctor. And they came. And my heart broke just a little more.

Beau was the most amazing soul I have ever encountered and he has left a huge void in my heart. But I am better having known him. He got me through those hard times and it was my turn to give it back to him. To close with another cliche...it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I believe that with all of my heart and soul.